Loosen the Bondage ...

This weekend (Thursday-Saturday), I went on a Spiritual Formation Retreat with my Divinity School to Camp Agape in Fuquay-Varina, NC.

I was excited about the trip because I had a number of great friends who were going, but I also had my reservations. I had been sick all week, we are at the beginning of the NCAA Tournament and knew I would be missing part of the Carolina game on Friday night, and I knew how much work was awaiting me when I left the retreat. So much on my mind, with very little room to allow God to speak.

Upon arrival, I unloaded my belongings, went to dinner, and found myself starting the process of going through the motions. We're all good at that at times. It was during our first small-group discussion after Thursday evening's session, however, that I began to see that God was not going to let me get by with just going through the motions all weekend. I needed to be present and let down walls. When I was able to finally do that and become truly invested in those around me, I was able to witness God's love in a new way and through so many different faces.

Our Retreat House

We had moments where we retreated from the group and dwelled alone with God. We had moments where we met in pairs and discussed how we know God loves us. We had moments when we were in groups and we shared our faith stories and the glimpses of God seen over the course of the weekend. We had moments spent in communal worship -- listening to scripture, praying, and singing. But despite what the moment looked like, God was present in every one.

In keeping with the confidence and sacred sharing space of the group, I still have to share one table discussion (with the approval of the table's members). In our last small-group meeting, our table discussed how special it is and what it means to be a part of the community at Campbell Divinity School. This is a community that welcomes and invites God's presence. Knowing you can approach a professor about your struggles and he/she will take the time to listen and pray with you, having each class begin with prayer, and being led by faculty and staff who can walk in a room and you can sense the presence of God -- these are extraordinary moments when we are all reminded of the beauty of being a part of such a strong community of faith.

And that's what this weekend reminded me. I was reminded this weekend through the topic of "Resurrection Life" and the scripture from John 11:1-45 that we are called to resurrected life and yearn for it, but we often still carry the stink of death and are tangled up in our bondage. The power of this passage, though, is that it reminds us to recognize the importance of community. Jesus calls others to unbind Lazarus after he resurrects him. We are likewise called to help loosen the burial clothes of others, just a little, and live out this resurrected life. Thankful for having this community at Campbell Divinity that helps loosen the bondage as we "help each other walk the mile and bear the load."

God is present

It's spring break, or "reading days" as it's called in grad school, and I am able to finally spend a few days at home visiting various family members and loving on my nieces and nephews. 

I love spending time with my sweet nieces and nephews because their innocence is a respite from the demands of adulthood. They are concerned and focused only on the present, and they remind me to take the time to rest in the present, too. Though I still have to devote time to reading and studying in preparation for upcoming midterms, I am intentional about being present for them without worrying about future concerns.

Children have a way of prompting you to observe and reflect on how you spend your time and energy. Is it spent worrying about the future or are you available to see the beauty in the present?

As I reflect on my time spent with my nieces and nephews, I am reminded of the importance of resolute faith. They have unwavering faith in me. When they jump, they know I will be there to catch them. When they succeed, they know I am there to cheer them on and support them. When they are scared, they have faith that I will hold them tight, comfort them, and reassure them that I am present with them. 

Our faith in God should have the same unfaltering, steady, and enduring qualities. 

We will have to take leaps into the unknown, and know that God is present. We will succeed at some endeavors, and God will be present. We will be scared at times, and God will hold us, comfort us, and God will be present. 

We must continue to have faith in God like children have in us. This type of faith is developed and cultivated through an intimate relationship consisting of trust and hope. Even when we feel like God doesn't care, we have faith that assures us and gives us hope that God is present. My nieces and nephews have reminded me of this, and my faith has been strengthened during this break by seeing their constant and hope-filled faith in me. 

Five years.

Anniversaries are not just for the good days, like birthdays and weddings -- they are for the hard days, too.

Today is an important anniversary in my life, but it's not an anniversary for a good day. Today is the day my life was changed with some earth-shattering news that no one could possibly prepare themselves for. It's amazing how short five years can seem and in other ways how long it seems. I remember everything about March 1, 2008. I remember what I was wearing, the sequence of the day, and the overwhelming emotions that flooded my soul.

People carry the anniversaries of death, abuse, and life-changing days. Surprisingly, people often need others to remember these anniversaries more than the anniversaries of the good days. They need to be reminded that others remember with them and they are not alone. These can be some of the hardest and darkest days, especially during the first few anniversaries.

While at Divinity School, I have learned even more the significance of remembering with those you love. Remember the anniversaries of the hard days and remind that person how much you love them. Remember their pain and the importance of that particular day with them. Be present.

Many people remember March 1 with me -- people who were present on that day, people who have heard my story, and people who have walked with me at some point on the journey since that day. For their presence in my life, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for a renewed relationship with my father, a reconciled relationship with my mother, and restored relationships with many of my siblings. This is how I remember well the anniversary of March 1, 2008. This has been the good. Today, as I remember, I am thankful to serve the God of redemption, reconciliation, and restoration.

Today I remember well, and I'm thankful for the many who remember with me.