Type A, much?

Those who know me know that I have a "Type A" personality. I like control, order, and perfection -- I won't settle for anything less.

Planning and organizing are some of the things I do best. I have far too many lists, but that is how I operate and thrive. Give me a pen and paper and I can make a "must accomplish these things" list for any area of my life. I have my list of things to accomplish every day. I have a list of goals I want to accomplish concerning school work. I have a list of life-long goals I want to accomplish, specifically concerning ministry. I even have a bucket list, though some things on it will never will get marked off of it.

I have so much I want to accomplish, and I seem to think that if I plan enough then maybe God will get the memo and get on my schedule, though I know this is not how it works. I find myself being disappointed when my planning becomes futile as my lists get longer and my goals farther away.

It's not that planning is wrong. Without lists and planning, I would probably forget to eat (seriously, I don't know why this is something I forget to do) and finish school assignments. The problem arises, however, when planning becomes less about organization and more about worry. When things don't work out the way I want or at the specific time that I want, then I'm flooded with unnecessary emotions -- I'm uneasy, baffled, angry, overwhelmed, and discouraged -- and it is exhausting.

So, this afternoon I decided that I was going to take the time and simply sit at the feet of Jesus, free of lists and other constraints. There was more freedom, peace, and comfort during this time than any amount of time I've spent trying to create peace of mind with my copious amounts of lists. It is a comfort held in the promise whispered from God, "I am in control."

I probably won't stop writing lists, or I will forget important things I need to do, but I am working on freeing myself from the unnecessary chains of worry that I have created with my self-constraining lists. God is in control, and I want to be open to go in whatever direction God leads.

With this in mind, I've created one to-do list for tomorrow and it has only one thing written: trust God.